an explanation

The first time I watched “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” I decided that contrary to popular belief—in this case, the populace was Mom and Dad and the widely-held belief was that I was Audrey because they “just liked how it sounded”—I had just met my namesake. This woman was who I was destined to be.

Please don’t misunderstand me; I am not referring to Holly Golightly. I am not even referring to Audrey Hepburn as the world knew her then. I am talking about the Audrey Hepburn I came to discover in the coming weeks and years through very sporadic research and mostly just imagining a personality behind the images and quotes I found relating to this pinnacle of elegance. (I didn’t use words like that when I was 14 though. I’ve come a long way.)

Let me back up for a second: what I have just told you and where this story is going may be unfair to Audrey Hepburn. I can’t emphasize this enough—I did not know very much about her. Her personal life, her family, her children; all are still kind of a mystery to me. But regardless of how informed I was on her as a true person, her significance in my life is a fact. Maybe it will help if I tell you who I decided Audrey Hepburn was. Here goes.

When I first saw her in Breakfast at Tiffanys, I thought she was beautiful. Being 14, that kind of thing was striking to me. (Who the hell am I kidding; 10 years later it still is.) From there, my image of her evolved to be dominated by 4 main characteristics: elegant as HELL, extremely sophisticated, eloquent, and a truly kind and compassionate individual. To flesh this out a little more, these 4 characteristics manifested as the following nebulous goals: walk with more confidence and grace/ become less horrifyingly clumsy, stop buying MALE SKATE SHOES FROM ZUMIEZ , start wearing better clothes, and stop consciously choosing to date guys who are borderline co-dependent because you feel like you always have to have the upper hand in a relationship, and true intimacy isn’t about power, and besides that, just because your first boyfriend ever of all time cheated on you doesn’t mean that you have to date guys you think are so emotionally needy that they will never leave you!!!!!!   !!!

!

 

!!!!

Full disclosure: this is probably not an entirely accurate portrayal of the psyche of one barely pubescent female. Luckily for you readers, hindsight is 20/20 so I can analyze my behavior and share the thrilling details with you.

In case this isn’t clear to you yet (and if it is, WOW, good job!) this blog in its most basic form will be an exploration of one girl’s journey to becoming herself. I could do this chronologically, but I feel like that would take more work on my part rather than just pulling random anecdotes and interspersing them with current haps and calling it good. So the latter is what we’ll do.

Here the hell goes nothing. 

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